idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
