someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
