i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
