i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
