So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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