I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
