I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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