You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You're a waste of cheezeits
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize