Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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