i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
