you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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