i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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