I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Randomize
