So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
