Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
