I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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