Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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