i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
