woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
