we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
