I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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