dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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