Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
