flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
please don't ironically join a cult
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