I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
