I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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