Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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