i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
