Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
