She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
