she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
