I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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