I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
