hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
