I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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