Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
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