Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
