why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
