Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
