I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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