My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
