you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
