there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
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If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
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World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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