You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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