your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
