Kiss
Puke
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
