They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
