so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
