oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
