I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My vagina is officially offended.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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