i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
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