the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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