We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We're too hungover to prance.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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