The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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