it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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