Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
His nipple licking is glorious
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