Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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