I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
