I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
