I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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