I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
