Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
