I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
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Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
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I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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