i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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