piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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