He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
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Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
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I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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