does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
