I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
