my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
