totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
