The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
