Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
