he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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