were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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